I love to laugh really hard and I’m always looking for hysterical, wholesome, funny stuff.  With a big grin and absolute confidence I recommend anything / everything by Andy Andrews, and specifically his CD titled “My Life So Far”.  My personal favorite is track # 6.  Check it out at www.AndyAndrews.com

It feels like at least half of the HEADLINE news today draws attention to the public exposure of the ”rich and famous” and their behavior.  Some of it is bizarre, some “funny” in a sad way, and some simply boggles the mind.  Yet, for those of us not “rich and famous” there is value in these stories because they offer us useful life lessons.  Three in particular come to mind:

First, I am being watched.  I’m not talking about “big brother” but rather those with whom I come in contact.  I know I’m in the regular sight-lines of my spouse, parents, kids, siblings, friends, enemies, co-workers and acquaintances.  Then there are all the strangers with whom I cross paths.  I was taught that ”if you can see the audience, they can see you”, but I’ve learned that even if I can’t see them they can see me.  No paranoia, just reality.

Second, it’s human nature to downplay / minimize / discount the potential destructive power of character flaws.  It seems that we come to a sort of truce with issues in ourselves we know we should confront.  The “enemy” looks too formidable, and we’re already using most of our energies just to stay afloat, so we let things go unaddressed.  There is one primary problem with that posture: cracks in the foundation ALWAYS get worse over time.  There are no exceptions, no exemptions and no excuses if / when the flaws show themselves openly.

Last, and perhaps most sobering is the painful reality that there is always collateral damage when the consequences of my actions come home to roost.  People I know, love and care for…people who love me and would have helped if I had asked…innocent people…trusting people…good people…old people…young people and children…people for whom I might have been playing some useful role…even strangers who hear about me through the gossip circles…when my stuff “hits the fan” it sprays on them all.  They didn’t ask for it, but they have to deal with it because I wouldn’t.  In the circus that some media has become it may seem entertaining, but in the real world it’s very sad.

To paraphrase the wisdom of a friend, “if you think the cost of correcting a character flaw is high, just wait until you get the bill for NOT corrrecting it.”

“We have this moment to hold in our hands and to touch as it slips through our fingers like sand.  Yesterday’s gone and tomorrow may never come, but we have this moment today.”  Songwriter Bill Gaither / Gaither Music penned these words approximately 25 years ago.  When I first heard them  I was far more taken by the melody and the emotion in the voices  than the meaning; youth has a way of missing some important stuff.  Today, however, while the melody lingers and the emotion is ever near, it is the meaning that captures me most. 

On two occasions in the past 5 years I’ve personally “realized” the inexpressible gift of each tick of the  clock.  Once was the amazing experience of learning I might be looking in the faces of my family for the very last time; life was present, but seeming to slip away.  Once was standing with those family members watching the clock signal less and less liklihood that a precious life would even begin.  To say the very least, those experiences have evoked much change.

So, here’s the bottom line:  Whether you’re 20 or 80, time is a most precious gift.  And running parallel to that is the fact that the list of things that last forever is extremely short.  As best as I can tell this is it…

• Right relationship with God
• The love I give to and legacy I leave for family
• The quality and quantity of service I offer to others

I’m going to live my life in light of that list, giving my best time and energies to those simple, everlastingly significant things.  Not tomorrow, not a little later, but now!  After all, it really is the only moment I’ve got.

I recently had to confront the man in the mirror over an inconsistency I’d seen in him.   He had encountered a human behaving in a way that was unjust, untoward, deceitful, manipulative and presumptious.  He felt great anger and indignation over what he saw, and decided to confront this human.  Now, mind you, the man in the mirror genuinely values honesty, kindness, compassion, and the intelligent exchange of ideas.  However, in this particular circumstance the man in the mirror apparently forgot where he put all those things, and just got mad.  He spoke truth, but not “in love”.  And amazingly enough, he seemed to think that because this other human was “out of bounds”, he was somehow free to also step “out of bounds” to deal with it.  WRONG.

So, in my counsel to the man in the mirror I admonished him to remember that he cannot allow the behavior of another person to dictate his own.  I reminded him that while anger can certainly be justified, the expression of that anger must be carefully considered.  Further, I told him sternly that he doesn’t get a free pass to be a jerk just because someone else is being a jerk.  I told him that the true test of his convictions and values would always be when they were actually challenged; then he would find out what he really valued. 

My sage wisdom seemed to be just the thing the man in the mirror needed to hear, and he vowed to do better next time.  I warned him, however, that I would be holding him accountable for his behavior in these matters, and that his wife, children, and many others would be watching as well.  I know he struggles at times with being consistent in living out what he truly believes, but he is making some progress.   Actually, he reminds me a little of me.

I admit I love lists:  21 Laws of Leadership; 9 Things Every Parent Must Know; 7 Keys To Financial Success, and of course, the very best one of all is Curly’s (City Slickers) “life is about just one thing” (does 1 make a list?).   Lists are easily organized for the presenter, and bite-sized for the reader / listener.  But…(you knew that was coming, didn’t you?)…there is a subtle downside to lists: they narrow the width and make shallow the depth of my thinking. 

I think it’s safe to say that we all would like it if life issues could be handled by moving through our chosen list and checking off each item.  There is some comfort in finding a list – from someone who seemingly knows what he / she is talking about – and gaining some hope that I can handle this portion of life more effectively by doing what the list suggests.  Everything from politics to raising kids to being “your best self now” would fall into place in that scenario; just do the stuff on the list and all is well.  The kicker is that these lists usually represent complex concepts, ideas and behavioral / cognitive skills that must be integrated into my daily life.  Bummer…I actually have to think, reflect, adjust, apply, assess, modify, watch, listen and actively participate in the living-out of the lists. 

So, here are 5 things you can do to…naw, I can’t do that to you.  So, here’s “just one thing” I suggest regarding lists:  Remember, nothing’s easy (it’s not supposed to be).  A list may be a useful tool for organizing thoughts but you and I still have to put “elbow grease” to it and engage.  Then, after you do, you’ll have your own list to share with all of us.

I’m old enough to remember all the attention given to “values clarification”.  It’s a useful exercise for individuals, groups and companies.  But I find there’s something even more fundamental that merits careful – albeit sometimes painful – clarification: my motives.  Why am I doing what I am doing?  I can profess all kinds of values in public but my motives reside in private quarters behind locked doors.  Motives may be closer to the heart than professed values, and thus they actually demand clarification and honest evaluation.

An example to stir the thoughts: “I love serving and helping others” is an honorable sentiment unless it’s driven by motives seeking the esteem, praise and admiration from others that “selfless” service often evokes.  It’s good to do the right thing; it’s even better to do the right thing for the right reason.  The deepest sense of peace and satisfaction will become mine when my motives, values and actions are all in harmony. 

“Everybody wants to get better; nobody wants to change.”  I don’t know who said that but my experience and observation say it’s true.  I want to lose weight but don’t want to improve my eating or lifestyle habits.  I want to be out of debt but  don’t want to alter my spending habits.  I want to love more deeply but don’t want to be too vulnerable.  And on it goes…until I decide that the change payoff  is worth the discomfort the change process may bring.   When I make that decision I’ll change for good. 

Periodically I ask questions like these: 

Am I better today than I was one year ago?  Which positive character traits have deepened / improved?  What destructive thoughts /  behaviors / habits have been replaced by productive ones?  What books have been read?  What contributions have been made to the lives of others?  Is my personal growth definable, and observable to others? 

My goal is to make some progress in the process as the days unfold.